I hate to say I told you so
But what they show they really show
X-Scanners
MSNBC, CNN, and other news channels and networks are abuzz with the public outcry against the new X-Ray scanners now being introduced and used at airports, primarily because of what the scanners reveal–which is a lot. I predicted much of this in my book, Master Spies Die Laughing, http://citizenpoet.com/MasterSpiesDieLaughing.aspx which was published last year.
The scanners were introduced after the attempted Christmas Day bombing and the notorious underwear bomber–which I also predicted in the same book. Everything that happened in real life can be found on Page 55–the liquid trigger, the detonator, the PETN. Has the authorities read my book and heeded the warning, they might have prevented the bombing attempt.
When the early announcements about the scanners were made public, I quickly launched a series of Twitter posts, as much to poke fun at the "breaking news" as to sell books, and being a fan of shameless self-promotion when it comes to one’s own books, I thought it might be fun to reprise some of them here. Enjoy the puns and punditties and if you would like to read more about the secret world of spies and what comes next, go to http://citizenpoet.com/MasterSpiesDieLaughing.aspx . There is also a link on that page to the official Master Spies website at www.masterspies.com.
If you buy the book, I can assure you that it both a fun read and an alert on what may come next in airport security. Here is an extract from page 237 about a new sniffer device developed to detect "crotch rockets," plastic explosives hidden in panties or more insiduosly, in body cavities. The setup here is that of a deep cover spy taking his naturist family to Orlando on vacation and they are about to go through the scanners at an airport:
Not that he minded going through security. Virgil felt safe with the government protecting him and his family. He didn’t even mind the indignity inflicted by the new sniffer wands that TSA agents were sticking between people’s legs to see if they were wearing one of those so-called "underwear bombs."
. . . . .
Of course, the fact that some of the TSA screeners were sticking the crotch rods inside people’s shorts, along with the rumors that there were miniature cameras hidden in the tips of the wands, did give some people pause, but not Virgil. Hell, being naturists, he and his whole family would strip naked and fly nude all the way to Orlando if it meant they would be safe from terrorists.
PunDitties and Epigrams previously published on www.CitizenPoet.com
Airport scanners show all just fine,
Give new meaning to "butt in line."
Skip underwear with underwire,
Unless a hand pat you desire.
Profiles reveal the inner you.
Scanners display the under you.
The latest body scan fashion:
Are your bra and panties matching?
You may as well grin and bare it,
Your X-scan is going to share it.
Male or female, X-scans will out
Even those with the slightest doubt.
X-scanners show us what you’ve got,
As well as what that you have not.
The full body scan is nothing to fear.
Just be sure you’re wearing clean underwear.
From airports to every public venue,
Scanners will soon reveal the inner you.
A full body scan is what they want done?
Might fly naked; it’s safer and more fun.
X-scans show patriotic hue,
Red butt, white groin and p-p blue.
Scanners can’t show what’s hid in your panty
If you fool them by not wearing any.
Ja hear? Dat full boooty scan caught Denzil.
Yep. TSA found lead in his pencil.
The full body scan you can’t duck.
It shows every nip and tuck.
Twits
X-scanners invoke leering eyes / That can see through any disguise.
It seems to be slightly obscene / To be exposed by a machine See body scan pix / It does show your fix
Except when scanning from the rear / Male and female details are clear
Had the NSA read my book / For panty bombs they would have looked.
Damn. I write this crap as fiction / FOX gives my crap bendiction.
The panty bomb is an old bit / But talk about your crotch rocket.
Full body scans uncover spies / And market for lead-lined panties.
No disrespect, no tie, and no bolero / What does it show if I go commando?
Citizen Poet 